a short pause

“I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident.”

I don’t like to talk about spirituality and religion in a personal manner. I can speak about religion as a social institution, as a concept… about spirituality as a theory, as a lifestyle. But it is an extremely rare occasion that I find it appropriate to discuss my personal belief and experience, and even then it is strictly with my family.

Despite this, I read this quote in a book my mom gave me, and for a moment the world—at least my current world—seemed suddenly ordered. And I’m breaking my personal rule to share with you why.

These last few months in Slovakia have been good. Really good. But as the winter gets darker and colder, so do my thoughts. Living here is hard. Being a wandering, indecisive, confused twenty-something is hard. Realizing that my strengths are irrelevant and my weaknesses are definitive—is hard. But this realization comes with a second: that god is the essence of a happy existence.

Pause. When I write “god,” I need to be clear. I don’t mean, specifically, the Christian god—nor the god of any other religion. What I mean is the sense of peace and goodness that pulls at our gut and takes hold of our heart. The sense that speaks through meaningful conversations with true friends, which is still in the quiet of morning, and which warms the hands with a cup of fresh coffee. I don’t know how to express this without speaking in clichés, but I certainly refuse to associate it with any religion because (for me) religion is so heavy.

For me, in this time of glaring weakness—the best way I know how to find peace is to put my head down to the earth and decide to see god glimmer in the goodness of humanity and the beauties of a simple life. 

Stuzkova and a visit to Liptovsky Mikulas

Since last Sunday, when the clocks fell back, the days seem impossibly short. By 4:00 every afternoon, I’m counting the hours before it is acceptable to go to sleep. The sun starts setting just before then, and it is dark by 5:00. This week has been a week of adjusting to this change, and I hope by next week I’ll be able to stay awake past 8:30 again.

Last Friday, one of my classes had their Stuzkova. In case you’ve forgotten, Stuzkova is an event celebrating the graduation of the final year students. They translate it as prom, which in a way makes sense, but it is nothing like the proms in the US. This particular Stuzkova was for my favorite group of students, 4A. These students are all so nice, honest, sweet and simply happy. Though they aren’t all shockingly intelligent, many of them seem to have a goodness that cannot be learned.  Last year I liked all of my students and I mostly enjoyed their Stuzkovas, but the truth is, I didn’t really know the students that well. This year, it was so much more enjoyable because I felt like I knew most of the students. They weren’t just Barbies in their multi-colored dresses with big hair and even bigger heals, it was Lenka and Nika and Barbora dressed in their idea of beauty. And the “program” which the students did wasn’t at all perfect… but it was unmistakably evident that they were having fun and enjoying their own performance, which is a beautiful thing to see.

Despite this, there was about twenty minutes that felt absolutely surreal to me. And I think it’s quite hard to describe unless you know what it’s like to be a foreigner or unless you know anything about Slovaks and their culture. At the Stuzkova, all of the students walk in very regally, accompanied by an epic song, looking very poised and proud. After they walk in, they are each pinned with their stuzkova—a green ribbon that is given to every student in their final year. They are all called by name, pinned, and then they come in front of the whole audience and give a proud bow or curtsy. Then they take an aperitif and hold it, wait for the rest of the class to be pinned, and then many people come up to give speeches. First it was the director of the school. She gave a speech that I didn’t understand, and some students started to get a bit choked up. Then one of the students came to give a speech, and many of the girls in the class were extremely emotional… but I had no idea why because I didn’t really understand everything in the speech. And then, while I was in a daze of confusion, one of the girls collapsed—breaking her glass, cutting her hand, and dripping blood on her white dress. She had merely fainted, but there was a hushed panic and she was quietly walked to the bathroom and then the speeches continued and the ceremony went on… without an “formal” acknowledgement of her collapse.

Perhaps this doesn’t sound so bizarre. But for me, it was completely surreal. It was so strange to personally feel purely apathetic to the speeches when I saw my students feel deeply affected. And then, when I saw something that truly and deeply alarmed me… one of my students shaking on the floor with blood on her beautiful white dress… there was simply a hush and a swift movement to remove the interruption to the program. I am sure that if I had a better understanding of Slovak that I would have better understood everything that was happening. But as a more-or-less dumb and neutral observer, I felt so disturbed by the series of events.

After the Stuzkova on Friday, I took a train on Saturday to see a friend in Liptovsky Mikulas. It was nice to share some meals with her, to catch up on our lives and the maturation that had occurred since we last met. On Sunday, we took a beautiful hike in the Low Tatras. The weather was perfect and epitomized everything I love about fall. The air was fresh, the trees were turning, the sun was shining low in the sky, and we could hear the leaves crunch underneath our boots.

Though the stay in Liptovsky Mikulas was short, it was a needed break from my routine in Kosice. Then, this week, I’ve been enjoying the company of my friend Val and her boyfriend, “Fabio,” who is visiting from Paris. Together we’ve been sharing meals… beautiful French meals with French cheese, learning useful French phrases like “move your ass fat cow.” So far, it’s been a good week. But with each passing day, the truth is that I am looking more and more forward to returning home. Not because I miss my friends and my family, not because I miss all of the comforts of my life in Minnesota, but because I feel like it’s becoming time to close this chapter in my life. Of course I miss things about Minnesota, but this isn’t really a motivator. I simply feel like it is the right time.

Until next week. 

a perfect day

this past week at school, as a writing exercise, i asked the students to free-write about what their perfect day would look like. i was thinking about what my perfect day might look like... and lo and behold, it was realized yesterday.

we are on fall break and val is gone for the weekend. i have the flat all to myself and nothing to do. which is pretty glorious, if you ask me. yesterday i woke up late, around 10:00, feeling so happy. i'd had nice dreams, i was warm and the sun was shining. i got out of bed and stretched, and went to make a perfect cup of (real) coffee. i had my strawberry yogurt, drank my coffee and looked out of the window. the trees are in the peak of their autumn color, and the tree just outside of this flat is a deep, golden yellow... it is really beautiful. after my breakfast, i changed and stretched and went out for a run. i went to Anicka, a park nearby, and ran for nearly an hour. the trees were so beautiful and the run felt so good to my lazy body.

i came back to my flat and prepared a good lunch... i re-heated bean soup that i recently made (yes, i cooked!) and had fresh bread and dark chocolate. perfect. when i sat down to read, my friend olivier called me spontaneously and asked if i would want to go to the countryside with him. of course! so i got dressed and we went by car to lake ruzin. it was so beautiful. the drive was amazing. seriously, the trees are gorgeous. they are dark green, orange, yellow, brown, red... perfection. and the air was so cool and so crisp. we sat near the lake and had some coffee and then we went to a hill nearby to sit and enjoy the surroundings.

afterward, we came back to kosice and i had a quiet evening... reading and watching a documentary while knitting. i really don't know what the day was missing, it felt like everything my soul needed.

the rest of this holiday should be good as well. i just ordered some christmas gifts and am planning to go for some hummus and falafel in a few minutes. can't wait!

send me news!

an old post

i've moved, and since this move, i don't have such regular access to the internet. hence, this post is one that i wrote a few days ago... but worth posting, nonetheless.

Yesterday I booked my tickets to come home for Christmas. Get ready, Minnesota! I’m coming!

This last week has been a bit chaotic. On Sunday, I went to Val’s flat to meet her and Fabio for the Rugby World Cup between France and New Zealand. It was my first time watching rugby, but I must say, I am hooked. I am rarely a sports fan, but rugby was so much fun to watch that I will be eager to watch it again. France lost, unfortunately, but it was such a nice morning. Sitting on the couch and watching a game with two friends during the fall… it felt so familiar and so much like home.

After the game, we went to my friend Antonio’s for a small lunch. He lives in a house, so in the back he has a nice yard where we could sit and enjoy the fall weather. Most of the “Spanish team” was there, and Antonio had made pumpkin soup and tortillas (omelette with potatoes) for us. Plus, Val and Fabio had bought really great wine, so the afternoon was full of great food and great friends.

I had to leave early to meet my friend Vesna, because she was helping me move! Because that afternoon, I was moving into Val’s flat. Fortunately, it didn’t take that long to move all of my stuff. And when I went into my room, I was greeted by the most beautiful bedspread. Val and Fabio had found it for me at Tesco. It was pink, purple and covered with Disney Princesses! And, Fabio had bought me a beautiful poster in Paris of a woman staring at the moon with wolves and dogs. Wow. It was all so beautiful and such a wonderful welcome to my new room.

The rest of the week has been, as mentioned earlier, chaotic. We only had “official” school on Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday there was some promotion for the French bilingual section in the center where they played Petanque with the mayor. Thursday was a big event to celebrate the 20^th anniversary of the bilingual section, and the students put on a big show for the whole school. It was really nice, except for the fact that there were many speeches… all of which were made in Slovak and interpreted into French, or vice a versa. I was lost. Plus, I had woken up late that morning and didn’t have time for my coffee, and I didn’t realize that the event was actually a pretty formal affair… and I showed up in jeans. Whoops.

Every evening I’ve been cooking!!! I’ve made brussel sprouts, bean soup, cookies… be impressed. This is more cooking than I’ve done in a whole year! I’m so happy to have someone to share my meals with. And last night, we danced to songs from the eighties. Finally, I’m living with someone who likes to dance as much as me.  It will be a good three months.

This weekend is a holiday, so no school! Normally I would try to go somewhere and see something new, but this year I just wasn’t able to organize anything. My life has felt so nice being quiet that I don’t feel so eager to shake things up.  This weekend a friend might come, but that’s it. I hope to do a lot of running, reading, knitting and sleeping. 

winter is upon us

it seems that in a matter of twenty-four hours, kosice has turned it's beautiful autumnal back on us, leaving us in the dismal, gray and cold beginnings of winter. the sun has already become a faded memory, and the darkness is becoming heavier and heavier, earlier and earlier, each day.

minnesota is home to some of the cruelest winters, but for some reason the winter in slovakia hits me harder. sunday was a blissful day. the weather was the definition of perfection, and i felt so sweet and light and happy. monday was a bit of a hard day at school, but i managed to hold on to my lightness. by tuesday, however, the clouds had come and winter had poked his ugly head into our lives. this week has been full of efforts to push him away, most of which have been futile. even physically i'm more tired and my body feels on the constant verge of sickness.

enough gloom. i said, enough! because despite all of this, i still have one good story to tell.

last night i felt sick. laying on my bed, hoping to vomit for some relief (sorry to be graphic). i decided that i should do something good, to reintroduce a bit of happiness into my current state of mind. naturally, i called valerie. we decided to meet for a drink (of tea, in my case). when she arrived, she came with her friend! he's french, and his name is patrick (but we call him Fabio, lest there be any confusion). he's great, and he came early this weekend to surprise val. it was a great surprise for me as well. since the restaurant we wanted to go to was full, we went to a different one--- one that i'd never been to. it was underground, and when we walked in we saw that friday was "disco night." without much pause, we went in. we sat down next to the empty dance floor, and there wasn't any music or anything playing. we ordered our food. while we waited, fabio gave me a gift that he brought from paris. it was a set of extra-classy saki glasses that, when filled with liquid, show less-than-kosher images of less-than-proper women (i hope you feel the humor). when we were eating, the lights suddenly turned off in favor of disco-lights. the fog machine went to work and we were suddenly eating our meal in the middle of the dance floor to the soundtrack of ABBA in the background. val and fabio have a great sense of humor, so we spent the rest of the meal laughing and dancing, and watching the people around us dance. the crowd was mostly middle-aged, and my favorite couple was one guy in white with a true mullet, serious moves and an unrelenting pursuit of a woman in black (who also had a mullet). he finally won her over, and they danced with locked lips for almost ten minutes. not really kissing, just locking lips. i searched for someone who i could use to compete with them, but i only found an old, leprechaun-esque man with moves which left me wondering if he had turrets or muscle spasms. i wasn't keen on trying.

after pop, lock and droppin' it, we moved to a different bar for a drink. i had a juice and went home early, but at least i had a small smile on my face.

this weekend i'm making the move to valerie's flat. if you think of me, say a little prayer and wish upon a lucky star.

my hair is screaming infidelities.

my hair is everywhere. it's disgusting. i mention this only for two reasons: 1. i just finished sweeping my floor and vomiting over how much hair i put in the bin, and 2. i had no idea what to call the title of this entry, and the worm in my ear was singing "your hair is everywhere..." for obvious reasons. don't even begin to tell me how lame it is, i already know.

and i know it's lame to be writing another entry just one or two days after the last, but i have to. i just have to. yesterday was too memorable to go by undocumented via my narcissistic outlet.

saturday morning i woke up full of dread: GRE English Subject exam doomsday. i had an awkward encounter with the front desk guy at the hotel, and an even more awkward encounter with an old lady in the breakfast room. without details, these encounters can be explained by locked doors, failure of my "i'm-stupid-but-so-sweet-you-love-me" routine, and my over-enthusiastic love for yogurt. you can fill in the rest with your imagination.

after breakfast, i went to the testing site for a series of more uncomfortable encounters... luckily, i wasn't leading the Awkward Train this time. i walked up to the steps to the room and immediately when i turned into the corridor i heard a group of guys talking and laughing.  they all looked like wannabe Einsteins in varying forms. some had long neanderthal hair and sweatpants, some had old loafers and tattered sweaters, some looked like dan wilson after spending three months in the desert, and all looked like they hadn't gone shopping since puberty. i walked closer and as i approached they all got quiet. not knowing what to do, i employed the "i'm stupid but so sweet" routine (this time quite effectively) and asked "is this where the GRE subject exams are?" one of the guys gave me a "No Shit Sherlock" look and said plainly "yes." their conversation promptly resumed with one guy explaining the discovery of his math genius, "when i was in seventh grade and everyone thought i was bad at math, and then i went to Mathletes and i was the only one who scored higher than fifty percent on the exam." then a guy with curly hair and glasses (and an unfortunate stutter) said "it was cosign a.... uh, and.... co co cosign b (hiccupping laughter), not co sa sa sign a pl.... plus cosign b!" everyone bounced and grunted-- some mathematical form of laughter. one was talking about the math section of the general GRE, laughing about how incredibly simplistic it was (i sheepishly tucked my tail in between my legs). two very classy asians walked in, sporting their MIT water bottles and they purposefully removed themselves from the rest of the group. in total, there were two unibrows, two zit-prone, four hand-wringers, one continual bathroom-runner, one foot bouncer, seven glasses, three lightweights and nearly all (i would soon discover) were pencil tappers. what does that equal? one classic, nervous group of math nerds.

while waiting and relishing this group, i looked at the list of test takers next to the door. on the left were the names, and on the right it listed the specific exam each was taking: "mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, Literature in English, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics, mathematics." needless to say, i was the odd one out.

and how did the exam go? i didn't cry and i finished it.

after the exam, i rewarded myself with walk in beautiful budapest and a little shopping. it was an autumnal saturday at its finest, accompanied with an americano to-go.

my train left at six in the evening, and i was on the train well before it's departure at 5:30. i went early to secure my cabin and do everything i could to make it look like it wasn't available for sharing (i'm a little selfish and high-maintenance when it comes to traveling by train). but as soon as i was closing the door and curtains, a 70ish-old man knocked on the door and asked in slovak "is it open." i sighed. replied "ano, prosim," and opened the door for him (all the while thinking, MY GOD! THE WHOLE CAR IS FULL OF OPEN CABINS! GET YOUR OWN!) and smiled pleasantly. he immediately caught on that i didn't speak slovak, so he started talking to me in english.

long winded fails to describe him. from 5:30 until our train pulled into kosice at 10:00, he talked to me in his broken english. not a single break. i could write a novel about this man. he is a veterinarian and works at the university, and as soon as i said i was from minnesota he grabbed my hand "ah! min knee soh tah! saint pow ol! i was there! yea! i was there!... pockaj, moment... LEE KER! the store to buy al koh hall! it was near the capitol, there slovaks were, special shop, to buy the alcohol!" and he told me about which water is best to buy in slovakia ("the green is with the little of the gas, the blue has the gas"), which meat is best, which cheese is best (and where each cheese is made), how to make good eggs, what brandy is made from, what beer is made from, why tokaj wine is sweet, what are good fruit syrups, where to find the best apples, why the produce isn't so good, why the weather is so dry, why the farming in socialism was better, why slovakia was the first country to get rid of tuberculosis in its farms, why oil gives you cancer, why the mammary glands swollen in cows is a problem, why there is infertility among dairy cows, why the cows in portugal die from bacterial infections.

when we were talking about sausage,  i confessed that i didn't like sausage, he looked at me "but why not!" he was visibly angry, "here it is very good, very good the sausage, many spice." and i said that yes, i know, but in general i don't like salamis or sausage. "BUT WHY NOT! HERE IS VERY GOOD THE SAUSAGE" so finally i said, yes you're right! great sausage! and his smile returned. without pause, he proceeded to inform me how to use pork fat for cooking (oil gives us cancer), how to use pork blood (yes, blood) for cooking, how to stuff food in the pig intestines for eating (like "the english kitchen"). he told me in detail about hunting, where he shot the animal, how long it twitched before it collapsed on its left side, how much it bled... and then, of course, he had photos to show me of his dead animals. many, many photos. we talked about the university system, about his research, about what it means to have good meat "first, we consider the water. is it clean. does it have the minerals. where is it from. was there insects in it. how about the viruses. second, we consider the ground. is it the hay. is it the pelts. is it the mud. how about is it clean. is it the soft or is it the hard. third, we consider the pen. is there room for the sow to stand up. for the sow to sit down. for the sow to go to the water. for the sow to lay down. for the sow to turn in the circle. is the sow happy. is it away from the pain. is it away from the discomfort. fourth, we consider..." and what if he was searching for a word in english that i didn't know? anger! and then he told me the name of a certain grain here in slovakia, and i told him i didn't know it. outrage! "BUT IT IS IN THE ENGLISH! THIS IS THE NAME IN THE ENGLISH! I KNOW IT! IT IS YOUR LANGUAGE! YOUR MOTHER LANGUAGE! YOU NOT KNOW IT!" but as soon as i said oh yes, ok, yes i know it... his smile returned, and he continued without pause.

this man was clearly intelligent, and wildly eccentric. he was quite tall and unmoved by my suitcase straps hitting his head at every jolt of the train. he knew the latin names of everything, from trees to animals to plants (and of course told me). he was an avid hunter. he's literally traveled the world. he hates gypsies and talks about socialism like one talks about utopia. his name is gabriel, his daughter gabriella, and his granddaughter gabrielle. and the man just wouldn't let me rest! he even insisted on taking me home rather than letting me walk in peace.

by the time i was finally in my flat, i went to wash my face and noticed my puffy eyes and shiny hair. but i still had to go and meet some friends. as seems to be my trademark lately, i came looking like i've just escaped from the asylum. my hair was frizzy, shiny and wild (and leaving a trail, it seems). evidence of the crazy day i'd just had.

whew. are you still awake? if not, wake up. this is the end of the entry.

send me some news, dear people from home! i miss you.

keeping to my promise

whelp. it's nearly been one week and i haven't written in my blog yet. so to make good on my promises, here is another entry. the truth is, per usual, i don't have anything worth sharing. last weekend i spent studying, all week i spent studying, and all day today i've been studying. for what? GRE!

wednesday evening i took a train out of kosice to budapest where i've been holed up in a hotel room for the past two days. thursday morning i took the general GRE. honestly, i thought i was perfectly prepared and i was more confident than normal. i walked into the bizarre testing room, sat in my 80's-esque wooden cubicle, fixed the orange "noise-blocking" headphones on and proceeded to complete the exam on a more-than-outdated PC. four hours later, i removed the headphones (whose ancient heaviness had left a painful indent in my hairdo) and stared at the screen with my scores. as it turns out, i'm actually not a genius. i know that this news may surprise many of you (trust me, it surprised me too), but i'm actually exceptionally normal. i shrugged my shoulders, thought to myself "ok," and left the testing center without even the slightest sigh of relief. blahhhhhhhhse.

since leaving the testing center on thursday around 1:00, i've been in my hotel room. yep. going on 30 hours now! i've been sleeping, eating... but mostly studying my brains out. tomorrow morning i take the GRE english subject exam. if the general GRE made me feel un-genius-like, this exam makes me feel downright incompetent. i feel as if i'm dressed in a t-shirt, shorts and flip flops and being forced to climb mt. everest. surprisingly, and most uncharacteristically, this acute awareness of my incompetency drives me more towards sleep than panic. i can hardly remember taking a test without a shred of panic. but i think now, a full year and a half out of college, i've realized that it just doesn't matter. of course it'd be great to do well on the exam, and it will be hard to see a bad score (and realistically, i understand it is "important" for my "future"). but truthfully, the bigger tragedy for me at the moment would be missing my morning coffee, discovering a great big zit on my forehead, or missing a gratuitous ten minutes of reading. or my god, even worse, discovering that i've run out of yogurt!!! (the horror!!)

lazy and unenlightened, i may be, but unhappiness i refuse.

people of MN: SEND ME SOME NEWS! i feel stranded on an island, and all of you feel like a distant memory of some former fantastical life i used to lead.

lovingly yours,
alw

it's friday, friday!

after the "bomb" dropped on monday, things have been sorting themselves out. i've decided to live with my friend, valerie, which i'm becoming really excited about. i'm trying to view moving out of my flat like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon or a snake shedding its old skin (though i think the snake analogy is more accurate, i much prefer to be a butterfly). optimism is the wave i'm riding this week, and its getting me far.  and when i arrived at school on tuesday, my co-workers dana and misa were incredibly encouraging and helpful. i was so thankful that they were "looking out" for me, and i realized (again) how fortunate i am to work with these wonderful women. 

on wednesday, i had a lesson with a class that i'm having a really difficult time connecting with. the students aren't really sharp, and i simply don't feel well in their lessons. to counteract this, i've been trying to employ some different methods. this week, our theme was "sports," and i decided to teach them a little bit about baseball. while we were talking about it, i got the bright idea to play kickball... which seemed to be, in my mind, just like baseball... except with feet. the weather was perfect, it was the end of the day, and it seemed like the perfect idea. i told two boys to go find a ball, and as soon as they came back we headed outside. little did i realize that these students have literally NO concept of baseball, kickball, or any game involving bases. the boys in the class were eager to learn and helped me in explaining the game to the whole class. finally, i rolled the first "pitch" (with a soccer ball) to start the game. the student kicked it hard and far into the outfield. the girls, who i had physically placed in the outfield (five feet away from each other), simply stood there and looked at me: failure #1. then, i explained that if you catch the ball, the kicker is automatically out. during one "inning," the ball kept pop-flying to the same student, and each time he let it bounce just in front of him before "catching" it: failure #2. then, i explained that if you touch the base with the ball, the runner is out. after a student kicked the ball toward second and began running toward first, another student grabbed the ball and touched the third base and yelled "out!" to the player at first: failure #3. 

besides these failures and my constant yelling to "look alive! don't be so lazy! girls, you're beautiful but you have to move!," i had a few small successes. i taught them, "jump! shake your booty, jump! jump! shake your booty!" and "let's go! let's go! l-e-t-s g-o!" and i was so happy to hear them yell, "run! go! go! go!" instead of the slovak equivalent. 

after the game of pseudo-kickball, i went up to the bilingual section to join my friend val and her drama club. this year marks the twentieth anniversary of the french-bilingual section, so they are preparing a lot of different events to commemorate it. val's drama club is dancing, and she asked if i'd join. one of my student's dad's is a professional choreographer, and he is the one teaching us. he is about 50, looks like a gray-haired penguin, is incredibly nice and is the best, straight, male dancer i've ever seen. he's excellent. my coordination and dancing abilities, however, are not excellent. nor is my slovak, so his directions seemed like jibberish. i knew i had to move, but i didn't know how.  imagine all of the students, young and beautiful and coordinated, and then me, awkward and clumsy and confused. it was a riot. i left sweaty, happily humiliated, and with a semi-twisted knee (there was a particularly fancy, twisting move on the floor which got the best of me). 

and then on wednesday evening, i went to an exhibition by my friends from keks design. they had gone around flats and other buildings in kosice to look for furniture from the 70's and 80's as the subject of the exhibition. without doubt, this was my favorite exhibition that i've seen while in kosice. it was original, well organized and thought provoking (not to mention uniquely beautiful). 

beyond this, i've been spending my days studying for the GRE. i have to take an "english subject" exam, which covers everything in the world of english... a world i have been noticeably distant from in the last year. wish me luck. 

all for now. send me an email, a postcard or just a simple line to let me know how life is back home. i miss it. 

my home

as has been my ritual, this morning i woke up early to read, write and breathe before beginning my day. these have been my most precious moments the last month or so, and there is little that will tempt me to sacrifice these still and beautiful minutes of quiet and solitude.

this morning when i was writing, i had a deep longing for a home. not just a home, but a physical place to live. i dreamed a bit about what i wanted and how it would look, and while i was dreaming, i realized that i have an amazing home here. i truly adore my flat. not only is it in a beautiful old building, it has a spectacular view, there is always live music flooding the courtyard from the teahouse below, and i'm starting to be friendly with my neighbors. since returning, i've truly cared for my flat like it is my child... i'm constantly cleaning and caring for it, developing a routine and finding just the right place for everything. i've painted paintings for the walls, planted flowers for the windows, and created a reading corner surrounded by things that i love. i'm not exaggerating when i say that everyday i'm thankful for this space that i live in. it is the first place that i've had that truly feels like it's mine.

none of this would really be worth mentioning, had i not received unhappy news today. after my lessons at school, nelli asked me to come to her office because she had something serious she needed to talk to me about. when i got into her office, she made me sit down and my first thought was "who died?". then she told me that igor, my landlord, had come into school today and had told nelli that there are "big family problems" and that i need to move out of my flat so someone else can move in. and i need to move out as soon as possible.

i'm not really worried about where i will go. i have options-- and even if i have to live someplace less-than-ideal, i will only be there for about 3 months. the point is, i feel like my home is being taken away from me and there is nothing i can do about it. of course that sounds dramatic, but take into account that i might possibly be the most sentimental person you can meet. it really feels painful to be forced out of this flat.

but as much as i've wanted to cry and complain today, i can't help but think that it'll be ok. maybe that's obvious and granted for most people... but for me, my first thought is always the worst one, and it takes weeks for me to re-acclamate and realize that everything will be ok. fortunately today i was able to trade the weeks of trauma for ten minutes of shock, and an afternoon of mild sadness and sentimentality.

in honor of my first, independent home:

a trip to party-slava

dear readers,

this past weekend i was fortunate enough to take a small trip to bratislava-- or, as some students like to call it-- "party"slava. last year i went to bratislava on a few occasions, and every time i left feeling disappointed. this last trip, however, left me pleasantly surprised.

i arrived in bratislava on thursday after a long 6 hour train ride. i decided to fork out the extra 3 euro for a first class seat, allowing me a 6 hour ride of peace, quiet, reading and sleeping. in slovakia, first class is always worth the upgrade. once in the city, i found the hotel with ease and got ready for the reception with the embassy for this year's fulbright grantees. while i was getting ready, i noticed that i forgot to crucial items: an adapter (for the straightener to fix my travel-frizzed hair), and a tank top to go under all of my gauzy, transparent shirts. nonetheless, i managed to pull myself together and swagger into the reception with a frizzy hair mess and moderately-less-than-appropriate attire. despite my "just escaped!" look, the reception was highly enjoyable. free food, free wine, free conversation... all wonderful to a newly poor teacher like me. i had the chance to meet the new fulbright grantees, who are all exceptional. they are interesting, sharp, engaging, enthusiastic, witty and incredibly fun (one of the grantees is even from minnesota, so it's no surprise she's wonderful). after the reception i went outside to wait for some of the grantees, and out stumbled the highlight of my evening. as i was sitting and waiting, i saw a (very important) person from the embassy stagger out with three friends, very intoxicated. i can honestly say, there is nothing more entertaining than see an incredibly formal person (older than my parents), stumbling outside and acting like a 21 year old. i must admit, i lost a little respect for the person.

in the morning, i had to give a presentation on teaching english in slovak high schools. needless to say, it was a shining, glorious and magnificent display of my brilliance. hard to imagine it could be anything less, right? though i was radiating perfection (as always), four people walked out. and nearly every minute someone got up for coffee. a great ego boost. afterward, i went to the city and spent the best afternoon i've ever had in slovakia.

i went to an exhibition of Picasso's drawings. his drawings are so simultaneously rich in simplicity and complexity, and they all exude a sense of ease and grace. many of the drawings were repeated over, and over and over (a theme with his drawings), but different each time. the one that really caught me was of an artist, a room, and a beast. each evoked something different in me, and i really felt a struggle between what is human, what is art, what is the self, and how in the world do they all relate to each other? it was a soul-filling experience, and one that i hadn't had since college.

when i returned for dinner, i had another soul-filling conversation. for nearly thirty minutes, nora (the director of fulbright in slovakia) and i talked about yogurt. if you know me at all, you know how excited and passionate i am about yogurt... and to find someone who shares the passion? magic.

beyond this, not much has happened recently. i've stopped shampooing my hair in favor of using baking soda and vinegar: this is my most exciting personal news. teaching is going well, but is also presenting challenges and frustrations. the slovak bureaucracy is still finding it's way to get under my skin, but i'm learning to grin and bear it. and the best part of my week? eating falafel and hummus, handed down from god himself in heaven, every monday with my friend val.

until next week,
alw

another week down

after a week like the one i just had, i wonder if there is any merit in even writing a blog post. the only reason i'm writing is because i promised myself that neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night will keep me from writing at least once a week...!

as previously hinted, this week has been Ordinary. note the capital "o." the most exciting thing that has happened is that my students completed their homework! i started teaching this year full of new ideas, new projects for my students to complete, and all kinds of high aspirations. after the first lesson with each class, i thought that i was crazy. i asked all students to write journal entries, and the oldest students to create a blog (on which they'll post weekly). after seeing their "you've got to be kidding me" looks on their faces, i was a bit discouraged. however, this week it was time for them to show the fruits of their labor... and they did not disappoint! when i saw the first blog that one of my students had created, i literally giggled and danced out of sheer excitement that someone would actually do something that i asked them to. no wonder i like teaching so much.

beyond this, i've spent my week compulsively cleaning, reading "The Brothers K" (thanks, katie wilson) and "The Divine Conspiracy" (thanks, keith wilson). both of which i heartily recommend. i've also been watching "True Blood," which has given me dreams that even the most creative writer couldn't imagine.

please send me a line or two about your lives back home. i'd love to hear how you're doing.

anna

good things

after a semi-disastrous week, i've been trying to find joy in small things. and here's what i've found.

my foot is healing. i'm no longer a hobbler. PTL.

when i was walking to school on monday (the first day), all of the small children were being walked to school by their parents or grandparents. they were wearing dress clothes, carrying flowers, and wearing new back packs. it was such an event, and i remembered one deeply true fact about myself: i LOVE the first day of school.

when i was walking on the main street, i saw two people dressed as pirates walking around. it was weird. then i realized they were handing out leaflets for orange, a mobile phone company. i thought to myself "what a horrible, embarrassing job." when i walked closer, i saw that one of the pirates was one of my former students... one of the most arrogant, cocky and disrespectful students. and he looked miserable. this brought me unending amounts of pleasure.

when i was having a bad day, i met my friend valerie for a dinner at my favorite restaurant. we spent two and a half hours laughing.

when i was at school yesterday, i was teaching a group of new students. for a "get-to-know-eachother" exercise, i made them write down their names and write a descriptive word for each letter. two students, a boy and a girl, were having a hard time finding enough words, so i went to help them. they were both really shy, quiet, unassuming and so sweet. the girl had an "A" in her name, and we were thinking of words... i said "amazing! awesome! ambitious! adventurous! artistic!" and she kept shaking her head, then i said "attractive!" and she said, "oh noooo, i'm not attractive." and the boy looked over at her and, in his sweet slovak accent, said "yes you are."

hopefully more good things are on their way.


love from slovakia,
anna

fail, fail, fail

my finger is finally healing... but trust me, cutting my finger was like opening the floodgates. these past few days have been, phew, not good.

since arriving in kosice, i've felt like a new person. i've been working through a book called "the artist's way: a course in discovering and recovering your creative self." sounds emotional, psychoanalytic and for the complete narcissist, right? it should come as no surprise then that it was a gift from my dear sister, katie. ok ok, maybe that was a bit too harsh. the fact is, the book is truly wonderful (which is a more accurate way to describe my sister). but the "new anna" isn't because of the book, it's because i've been waking up early and deciding to take a few hours of meaningful reflection and soul-searching. in general, i've been reading more and taking more time to find my course, rather than being guided by what my friends are doing. last week, right around the time i cut my finger, i was feeling pretty darn zen. i mean, i felt really "in-touch" with my "inner-artist" and i wanted to spend more time unraveling the deep mysteries of anna wilson. even thursday evening i met my friend valerie and she read my fortune (very seriously, of course) and said "ahhhh, you're turning a new leaf!" and then we read our horoscopes and mine said that i was turning a corner and taking a new path, that it was a "time for great beginnings!" 

thursday evening i walked home from valerie's flat feeling like the epitome of peace. i was content with my life, with myself, with the economic crisis, with war, with starvation, with genocide... i felt un-phaseable. i went to bed and i swear i heard heavenly choirs singing me to sleep. friday morning i walked to school on sunlit paths, accompanied by birds and flower and rainbows. but as soon as i walked through the school doors, i knew there'd be trouble... i saw nelli, and she told me that i must go to the job center. for what? i'm still not quite sure. but the slovak bureaucracy is at work again. this fact alone was confusing, what was even more confusing is that they needed my diploma from bethel. and they needed it asap, of course. i told nelli that i had my official transcripts, but they needed the (meaningless, useless, merely decorative) diploma. bah. whatever.

after school, i went to tesco and decided that i needed to buy a few things to make me feel better. i needed to "re-center." what better way to "re-center" than with a nice, relaxing pedicure? so i bought supplies to file away my hideous callouses, polish, and some nice bath salts. i went home and turned on some music, filled my tub and proceeded with my re-centering pedicure. as soon as my feet were pruney enough, i filed away. i was disgusted (and mildly fascinated) by how much skin was coming off, but i paid no attention. and then when i was at the top of my foot, i got just a little bit too aggressive. just below my pinky toe, i went too far and deeply cut thin skin near the topside of my foot. it started bleeding, but i thought it was just a small cut. i was wrong. soon the water below my foot was not just pink, but dark red. i took my foot out of the water and went to grab some toilet paper to stop the bleeding. each step left a puddle of blood, and the toilet paper was soaked in seconds. just when i thought i was done with bloody messes, it happened again! so i hobbled over to my closet and take out an old towel, leaving incriminating, bloody footprints all over my flat. the towel soaked up most of the blood, but my foot was bleeding for several hours. what's worse, is that this injury makes wearing shoes nearly impossible. and it's not healing anytime soon.

fair enough: i'm a clutz. it's ok, i can handle this fact. but what i can't handle is that it has totally pushed me off of my course. rather than getting up early and reading and cleaning, i get up early and hobble to make my coffee, hobble to my chair to finally sit down, hobble to get dressed... hobble everywhere. i am a hobbling mess. you would think that this hobbling would limit me to my small flat. well, you forget that where there's a wilson, there's a way. saturday night, i wrapped up my foot and i went out with some friends. surprisingly, i could bear it. i could walk semi-normally, and i even forgot about the pain. it was ok! so, wisely, i agreed to take three friends with me on a small hike near kosice on sunday. the hike was great, and walking really wasn't SO difficult. it was painful and my back, hip and ankle ached from all of the hobble-walking, but it was so good to be outside and with friends that i didn't mind. however, we walked through one part of the forest and i suddenly heard a small voice in my head reminding me to be careful of poison ivy. and guess what? the next thing i knew we had come across a batch of poison ivy. but, of course, i realized this only after passing through it. and, since my foot has been so painful, i was wearing hiking sandals... so my gimp foot suffered even more with the beautiful red burn of poison ivy. 

having given up my "peaceful" self, i woke up this morning and got dressed for the first "real" day of school. we are supposed to look nice because there are a few ceremonies etc., but since i can't really wear nice shoes my "nice" clothes were a bit hodge-podge. i put on my nicest summer sandals over my red (and partially bleeding) feet, pants to cover my red legs, and the loosest shirt i could find (it was HOT today). i looked weird. really weird. and once i got to school, i discovered that my purse had ruined my shirt by rubbing against it while i walked. great! and, nelli told me that i had to get my diploma translated... and that i still needed the hard copy of my diploma... which would also need to be translated. each translation will cost 30 euro. and yes, i do need each separately translated. 

praise jesus in heaven that we do not live in such a ridiculously bureaucratic place. ok, certainly there are times that we have to fill out a lot of papers, jump through a lot of hoops, etc. but honestly, it's nothing like it is in these post-socialist societies. it makes life unnecessarily difficult. 

on wednesday i actually start teaching, which i'm thrilled about. i'm hoping that i'm getting rid of all of my bad luck now, so that when it really counts i'll be on target. that everything will go smoothly, that my students will be speaking fluent english and reveling in my glory everyday. i'm sure-- totally sure-- that my self-actualized, calm, content and peaceful mind will return soon. well, at least i hope. 

... until disaster strikes again,

anna

bloody wednesday

it is not even 1:00 and this day has already contained a week's of drama. i love it.

this week has been pretty average, on the whole. i've woken up early every morning to write and to drink my coffee in hours of sunny peace. i've met some friends for drinks, i've gone on walks, i've read books, i've been studying for the gre... certainly nothing to write home about.

then, wednesday decided to throw a rock into my placid week. i woke up late: we all know, this is NEVER good. it was 7:20, and i needed to leave the house by 7:30 to meet nelli for a visit to the immigration police. so i hurried out of bed so quickly that i became dizzy and, with my blurred morning vision, ran right into my table and stubbed my toe. i felt a little bit like lucille two suffering from vertigo, but i had no time to dwell on my pathetic coordination. i brushed my teeth, got dressed, washed my face and then painted it back on, did my hair and complemented myself on how surprisingly great i looked for getting ready in a mere ten minutes! (it's a gift, really). i rushed into my kitchen to cut some bread to take with me on my way. i pulled out a butter knife from the drawer and began to attack my hard-crusted bread, and all of a sudden a blue streak left my mouth and i looked at my forefinger to see a stream of blood pouring from it's innocent tip. i ran to the sink and tried to get the bleeding to stop, but it simply wouldn't. i rushed to the bathroom to get some toilet paper, which the blood soaked in a matter of seconds. i searched all around my apartment, praying to find some band-aids... no luck. meanwhile, i am leaving a trail of blood behind me, and spreading it with my frantically searching feet. i panicked. i didn't know what to do. the blood just kept gushing and i was hopeless in making it stop. suddenly, i remembered that i had a washcloth i was about to throw away (the last wash didn't quite remove it's funky smell), so i wrapped it tightly around my finger. the blue washcloth quickly began soaking the blood, but at least it was thick enough to start being effective. with the funky-smelling, blood-stained washcloth suspiciously covering my hand, i dashed out of my apartment (and managed to trip twice on the way out, no less).

i started walking to the bus station, in a hurry, clearly flustered, holding a bloody washcloth over my hand. you would think that this (or at least my stunning, i-got-ready-in-ten-minutes beauty) would cause my fellow street walkers to pause, at least for half a second. oddly enough i hardly received one confused stare. i see a handful of confused, "what-the-hell" stares when i'm normally walking to work... suddenly, when i'm rushed, slightly panicked, holding a blue, blood-stained washcloth, nobody cares?! i got on the bus, and the same thing: NO ONE noticed! this was highly disappointing. i had no one to share my drama with! even when i arrived at the police station and met nelli, she calmly greeted me "good morning, annie. how are you?" i wanted to say "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY FINGER! I HAD A TRAUMA THIS MORNING!" but instead i held up my wrapped finger and said, "sorry i'm a bit late, i cut my finger this morning." and she sweetly replied, "oh, that's too bad."

we went up to wait at for the police, and i cautiously unwrapped my finger, and saw that my whole hand was covered in blood and my finger tip was swollen... and i saw that the cut went nearly as deep as my fingernail. the cut skin was thick and flappy. luckily, however, the bleeding had ceased to gush. it was just slowly trickling. i showed it to nelli and asked if i should see a doctor (i was sure the answer would be yes. slovaks usually tell me i need to go to the doctor if i feel the least bit under-the-weather). she said, "ohh no, we can go to a pharmacy and get a bandage after." again, i couldn't believe it.  but i didn't argue, because i'd avoid slovak doctors at all costs.

we finally went into the police, i received my visa, and we were on our way out. it was, without question, the least complicated visit i've had with the police. then we stopped at the pharmacy and we got gauze and band-aids, and calmly made our way to school. when i arrived at school, i tried to convey my trauma to my co-workers... but they just said "oh you'll be fine."

i fully understand that i love to create drama about the simplest things that happen to me. god knows i could freak out for hours about a weird pain i had in my foot or a strange noise i heard outside. but truly, i thought this was actually at least a little dramatic. i mean, i nearly lost the tip of my finger... with a butter knife. it's kind of a big deal, right?

ok, maybe not. but maybe i can be thankful that this small hiccup is about the extent of drama in my life at the moment. i'll keep my (wounded) fingers crossed.

sunday morning

friday, my first full day back in kosice, was largely uneventful (uneventful, it seems, is becoming a theme of this blog and my life). i went to the school to say hello to my co-workers. it was SO GOOD to see them. they are two of the most important reasons why i enjoy teaching at the school. they were preparing for the next school year, writing out course schedules and i, of course, couldn't be of any help because i don't speak slovak. another theme of my life here in slovakia. beyond catching up with my co-workers, it also seems that the word has spread that i am only going to stay here until the end of january. much to my dismay because this is news that i preferred to share with people in person, rather than through the rumor mill. regardless, the word is out and it is probably a good thing.

friday afternoon i went and bought a few things for my apartment... including a mop and spider-killing supplies. when i arrived in my apartment, i noticed how incredibly dusty and dirty my floor was. i was absolutely revolted. but not nearly as revolted as when i went into the corner that i call my kitchen. i picked up a glass and out squirmed two spiders. i promptly grabbed a paper towel and killed them (thus, according to slovaks, bearing the burden of seven years of bad luck). i went to throw them away and as soon as i opened my garbage lid, three more spiders scattered away. again, i found some in my tea boxes. near my refrigerator. one crawling out of the sink. and two crawling on my bathroom wall. needless to say, i am now shouldering a lifetime of bad luck. but now, thanks to a much-needed tesco run, i have a clean floor and a (hopefully) spiderless apartment.

friday evening i went over to my friend's, vesna's, apartment to eat dinner with her and her mom (my boss). by the time i arrived, i was literally dripping in sweat. it was disgusting. but vesna's mom had prepared great food, which i ravenously ate because i hadn't had one bit of food since waking up. and i even left with two jars of cabbage and meat, as well as some knedla. not too bad. after vesna's, i went to meet some friends for a Kosice 2013 event. it was some kind of installation/performance art. women were walking around, staring blankly, dancing, drifting, and lying in bridal gowns. it was creepy, and it felt too much like halloween. like many of  Kosice 2013's events, i felt like the art was more of an imitation that actual creativity... but i'm a little harsh when it comes to art in slovakia.

afterward we went out for some drinks, and i (thanks to jet lag) stayed out too late and woke up far too late... around 2:30 in the afternoon on saturday. and i stayed in my pajamas until 6:00 p.m., finally got groceries, watched a movie and then went right back to bed. quite the life, right? and now it's sunday morning and i just enjoyed reading a good book for a few hours, drinking my instant nescafe "coffee," and eating my beautiful slovak yogurt.

enough of my daily run-through. i hope your eyes are feeling heavy by now. please write, and send me a mailing address (i'm on a postcard kick).

much love,

anna

kosice: round 2

i've made it back to kosice, safely and soundly. the trip was anything BUT exciting, which is good news. my first flight left from minneapolis and went to amsterdam. i breezed through security (tricked 'em again) and walked straight to my gate. i bought a copy of 'the economist' and 'the new yorker'-- mostly to look smart-- and partly because one of my guilty pleasures of traveling is buying and reading magazines. for some reason a plane seems like the only appropriate venue for reading something on glossy pages. while waiting at the gate, i sat next to two older people who would not stop complaining that they weren't able to get seats next to eachother. "DELTA ALWAYS TREATS US THIS WAY! i'm just going to sit on the aisle. they can't do anything about it. if we don't sit next to each other i'm never flying detla again. it's all of those people with the perks that get the good seats. well la-ti-da! i'm gonna tell them that i am not happy. they can't do this. they always hassle us like this." needless to say, she was a bit crochety. and her husband just soaked it like a sponge. before i loss MY temper, i moved across the waiting area to another open seat. ten minutes later, i heard the same horrible, nagging voice "i just cannot believe they would do that to us. they are just not helpful. oh over there, there's two seats" and they came walking back to sit next to me. again.

fortunately, it was time to board and my angry friends were (unsurprisingly) all too eager to be the firsts ones on the flight. i waited patiently to be one of the last and avoided the pushy line. i sat down and, luckily, sat next to a girl flying to tanzania for a study-abroad trip. she was pleasant and easy to talk to-- a relief! as soon as the flight attendants walked by with the beverage cart, i started my i'm-flying-eight-hours-don't-bother-me routine. i drank one glass of red wine like it was juice, took a sleeping pill, and then politely asked the flight attendant for a refill. after throwing the second glass back, i blew up my pink, furry next pillow (thank you, jean wilson), and i was out. OUT. the next thing i knew i woke up with thirty minutes left before landing. now that, my friends, is how to bear a transatlantic flight.

in amsterdam i had one, last overpriced cup of starbucks coffee and savored it while doing another of my favorite things: people watching. i love imagining why people are traveling, what they're talking about, where they're going. and i love european fashion. european fashion has always held, for me, the connotation of being trendy, elegant, classy, chique... unfortunately, all of my experience in europe has proven my connotations to be wildly misinformed. of course the businessmen and women look beautiful in their suits and pumps, but generally, people just look weird. and, i'll be honest, a little bit trashy. and it's not even a cool-weird or a hot-trashy. it's just lacking in everything that i consider to be good taste.

after my starbucks, people-watching wait, we finally boarded the plane and flew to budapest. fortunately, my gigantic, overweight bags arrived safely. i plopped them on a cart and went out to meet my friend olivier. thankfully, he drove from kosice to pick me up. it was so nice to catch up with him and swap stories from our summers. on the drive (when i wasn't sleeping) i was observing the landscape and remembering how good this place is. the corn, however, is looking small and dry already (just in case you were interested, minnesotans). once in kosice, we unloaded my bags and went to burekas for my favorite meal: falafel and hummus. i hope this strikes you as odd because no, it's not slovak food. but it is the best falafel and hummus i've ever had. it doesn't even compare with holy land. it's ahhhhh-mazing. the couple who owns the restaurant are great as well. they have two kids who are constantly running around, and they are adorable. the wife is slovak and her husband is israeli... and (i just learned) his family is one of only five in israel who have lived there for over 2,000 years. interesting, right? and after eating, i was toast. absolutely, completed wasted. it had been over 24 hours since i left worthington, and i was ready to do nothing other than sleep. so i went home.

after being in kosice almost a full day now, i can say that nothing has changed. it feels like i never left. but it feels like walking into the other half of my life. it's strange because no one at home understands my life in slovakia, but no one in slovakia can understand my life at home. it's actually really confusing and a little bit difficult. i still hold people from home close to me, they are still on my mind a lot... but they are nowhere geographically close to me. and it was the same when i was at home this summer... i kept thinking about people back here. i hope that once i settle back into life in minnesota for good that this effect will gradually lessen, because it's hard.

alright. i think it's time for me to shower (for the fourth time since arriving). i've been sitting in my sweat all afternoon, thanks to 100 degree weather and an extreme national lack of air conditioning. cold showers are my only remedy. i feel menopausal.

please write. i'd love to hear from you.

xo

my bags are packed

i'm ready to go. this is just a post to give you the details on the next leg of my adventure.

i'm flying out tomorrow at 3:10, arriving in budapest thursday at 12:30 (5:30 a.m. our time). i will then start my next semester of teaching at gymnazium m.r. stefanika. i'm very excited, except this year will be quite different than last year. instead of teaching 16 hours a week, i will be teaching 24. also, i will be teaching much more english language... which means more book work. and to top it off, i'll be studying for the GRE and nervously applying for grad schools. all in a short amount of time. if you want to send me an email to encourage me, to remind me how beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, exceptional and successful i am... please do. i need encouragement (and lies)!

regardless, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write me. let me know what is going on in your lives so that i still have reminders of minnesota. i will try to post interesting things, or just the boring details of my life, as often as possible to keep you all updated.

email: alw310@gmail.com  or  anna.wilson@fulbrightmail.org
address:   Anna Wilson/  55 Alzbetina/  040 01 KOSICE/  Slovak Republic

all my love,
anna

single tear

my time home in the united states is nearly over! i feel like a child kicking and screaming and complaining when her mom tells her it's time to leave. i wish that i could bathe in the red, white and blue sunshine forever.

last week i spent in alexandria with my family. it was a wonderful week. what better way to spend a week in alexandria than hiking, swimming, tanning, boating, reading and eating? it was beautiful. plus we played cards, went golfing, went shopping... it was the pure definition of relaxing. and, surprisingly, we didn't really even fight that much. dan was home so we were able to hear all about his time on the border. katie was home so we were able to psychoanalyze everyone that we know.

then i spent the following weekend in minneapolis reconnecting, once again, with friends. most memorably, sunday afternoon i spent a few hours with my dear friend shannon. we had lunch, we chatted, drank ice coffee, and enjoyed her new place in ne minneapolis. then we walked to st. anthony main where there was a polish festival. i must say, i was filled with ounces of dread to see pirogys, traditional folk dance costumes, and the familiar slavic ring of polish. don't get me wrong: i love slovakia. i love central europe. but when i'm having such a nice time at home, and when i'm acutely aware that this time is ending... the last thing i want to see is any remnant of slavic culture. i'm sure i'll be happy to go back and will relish the bryndzove halusky at med malina... but for now, i just want to eat burgers. and listen to hip hop. and drive my car.

all for now.

xo
anna

minnesota lovin'

i've been in minnesota for more than one month now, and i must say: i love this state. the month has been full of good friends, meeting new people, discovering new places...

one of which was duluth. i've lived in this state my whole life, but i've only been to duluth once-- a trip which went down in Wilson family history. i was really young, but the only things i remember from duluth are these three wonderful things: 1. i had lice 2. dan bit through his tongue and went to the emergency room 3. the person staying next to us was struck by lightning. let's just say this, it wasn't on the top of my list to return. however, i did return, and was more than pleasantly surprised. i went back with a friend to visit his sister and brother-in-law. who knew that minnesota possessed a city so beautiful? the lake, the forests, the shops, the people. it embodied everything that i love about minnesota.

i've also been able to spend a few days in minneapolis, discovering places that i'd never been before and seeing people that i've loved for years, reconnecting with people i'd forgotten about, and realizing that there is no place like home. 

a post from the home base

all of my lofty goals of faithful blogging have once again been pushed to the gutter. sorry, readers.

let's do a short recap: the last weeks in slovakia were CRAZY. in a good way. i went to a great french party in presov, i had a really nice going away party with my closest friends, and my students said sweet goodbyes. i was surprised by a friend. i went for walks with ice cream. i enjoyed episodes of LOST. and i was actually remarkably sad when the morning came for me to haul down my bags and head to the mcdonald's parking lot for the shuttle to the budapest airport. i feel tears reliving the moment.

i traveled with my friend vesna. the budapest airport was nothing short of a nightmare. our flight to amsterdam was delayed an hour, giving us a 30 minute (expected) layover in amsterdam before our flight to minneapolis. after receiving my boarding passes at the self check-in, i went to check my bags, only to be greeted by a clerk who refused to check my bags because she didn't think i'd make my flight in amsterdam. so then i told vesna to forget her hassle getting her boarding passes. so i went to rebook our flights, and the agent told me there was no reason to rebook because we could make our other flights. so then i went to check in my bags again, i was charged 100 euro for my second bag (which i thought i was allowed to fly with), and then vesna was still having problems. finally we got her boarding pass (without a seat assignment), and then everyone told us we wouldn't make it to our gate in time and that vesna might not have a seat because the flight was overbooked. so we decided to risk our luck. we got to our gate and vesna had a seat (in first class!). thank god. but did i mention vesna hates to fly? she doesn't have an ordinary fear of flying, but a full on panic at the mere thought of flying. an inconsolable panic. as if someone was holding a gun to her head and threatening to shoot her. so once we boarded the plane, we offered the not-so-kind gentleman sitting next to me to move onto first class. he didn't hesitate. so during the two hour flight to amsterdam i exhausted my dwindling patience to keep vesna calm. when we landed, the flight attendants told us that we wouldn't make our connecting flight, so we would have to use a kiosk to look for a flight leaving tomorrow. i thought there was maybe a miscalculation on my part with time differences etc., so i went to the kiosk to change our ticket but discovered instead that our flight was "now boarding" at a gate not-so-far from us. so i took an already hysteric vesna and made her run with me. this did not go well, but WE MADE IT. just in the nick of time. we had twenty minutes to make the flight, but the flight in fact left early. we were lucky.

after arriving home, we met some dear friends (luke and eva) for panera. then we took the longest drive back to worthington. our time in worthington was perfect. it was so. incredibly. good. to sleep in my bed, to drink mom-prepared coffee, to eat good food, to go on walks, to see worthington people, to see family, to see over-stocked shelves in monstrous stores. everything was so good. and then we went to chicago. i could have spent the whole trip walking on the street laughing out of pure joy because everything was so beautiful and so american. i saw black people and asian people and muslim people and pretty people and ugly people and fat people and skinny people. all in one place.

we also spent some time on the lake in okoboji, as well as the children's theater. i felt like a child again. for the fourth of july, we went to pioneer village to look at allis chalmer tractors. i ran into some friends and we went jet skiing. we had a picnic with old family friends. and we watched fireworks from our neighbors dock. one word to describe the fourth: perfect.

finally, i just returned from spending a few days in minneapolis. it was so, so, so good to see people who i've missed greatly. on friday we saw my dear former boss, pam, and had a nice conversation and i remembered all of the reasons i loved working career services. we also met eva and her sister, anna, and brother-in-law, caleb, for mexican food. then i had a small party at eva's for my friends, which included two of my most beloved things: dancing and (good) red wine. we spent a day on grand, we spent time at como, we layed out by the pool, we went shopping at MOA... it was wonderful. vesna left late monday evening, and everything at the airport was peaceful, smooth and calm. people were so friendly and so helpful, they even let me walk with vesna to the gate because she was so afraid to fly alone.

tuesday i went to st. cloud to see mr. and mrs. miller. i miss these people like a desert misses rain. we spent the whole day together walking around st. cloud, eating big and greasy burgers, playing with callie, looking at cool blogs (and thus feeling shameful about mine), making dinner, watching a movie... all of the normal things in life which are so much sweeter when done in good company.

now i'm back in worthington, but not for long. this summer is full of travel for me, though the only thing i long to do is watch LOST and attempt to complete the mountainous task of applying for grad school. i wish that days were twice as long, and the distance between all of my loved ones half as long.

until next time...

xo

6 days and then i'm gone...

good morning!

the time is quickly passing, and i am ever so ready to be home and to be spoiled with comfort. i can't wait to make small talk with cashiers, to walk barefoot in grass, to sleep in a real bed, and to see people who i love but haven't stayed in touch with.

last saturday i went with my co-worker, misa, and her friend to the Betliar mansion and to Krasna Horka (a castle). if any of you are ever in eastern slovakia, i will take you to both. they were really special. the Betliar mansion was a surprise... i wasn't expecting anything spectacular but this mansion was truly fascinating. it was owned by the Andrassi (sp?) family, which is an extremely aristocratic hungarian family. the house itself was, of course, beautiful. but most impressive were the things which the family collected. in a time without the frequency of travel that we know today, this family was able to travel (literally) around the world. and in their travels, they didn't simply collect vases or plates or jewelery... they collected a grizzly bear from canada, eskimo clothing, a samurai suit, a massive turtle, and a whole elephant from africa (among many other treasures). like the true vision of an aristocratic family, the Andrassis travelled, hunted, were involved in politics, and lived in luxury. the library in the home felt like it was pulled straight out from Beauty and the Beast. i was so impressed by everything.

the rest of the week was relatively uneventful. i had my lessons at school, i met some friends, and i tried to enjoy kosice. last night i said goodbye to two of my spanish friends who won't be returning to slovakia next year... of course it was sad and hard. i simply hate goodbyes. next year i'd like to plan a sneaky exit from slovakia so that i can avoid all of the painful farewells.

i hope that all of you will enjoy your weekend. if you are anywhere near keith wilson this weekend, consider yourself lucky because he is the best father in the world. shake his hand and tell him he's great.


xoxo

tick, tock

can you tell that the time is going slowly for me? this is blog entry No 3 from the past week. something isn't normal... tonight it's raining. true thunderstorm and lightning raining, which feels like a good time to blog.

on saturday i met my coworker misa for a coffee and a film. it was a great afternoon and evening. we met in my favorite hot chocolate cafe and chatted for about an hour. then we walked to see a film, but it turned out that the film was only being showed in Slovak dubbing... not such a good experience for me. so we decided to go to another cinema. we decided to see "X-Men," but since it wasn't playing for another hour we were able to sit and chat some more. the movie was just about what you would expect, but still it was fun to see. and mostly, it was soooo good to get out of my flat and to chat for a few hours with a friend.

on sunday i also had a crazy day. i went to poprad to meet a friend for some hiking. we decided to go to slovensky raj and we walked around a small canyon, it was beautiful. then we stopped for a short lunch, kept driving and we came to a really beautiful lake. it was so picturesque. the air was fresh, the water was clear, the grass was green... everything was still and quiet. it was simply beautiful. it reminded me that i'm in europe, and that i should be grateful to be here (rather than banging my head against the wall....). after the lake, we went to Spis Castle.... another must-see that i was waiting for all year long. it is a HUGE castle in eastern slovakia, and it is really pretty magnificent. in general, it was just a good day to get out.

with love,

anna

photos from the last few months

easter in the high tatras with the antoni family

alex and will came to visit! 

with ludwig at the USA vs. Sweden hockey game

fulbright girls with the ambassador

katie and i in budapest

one month and counting

soon i will be back home! i've been so happy here the past 9 months, but i have to admit i am desperately ready for a change in pace, scenery and lifestyle...

the past few weeks have been quiet. in the middle of may i went to bratislava for a final reception with the ambassador, theodore sedgwick. it was so enjoyable. it was at his house and there were guests from the embassy as well as former slovak, fulbright grantees. it was so interesting to talk to these grantees about their experiences in america. after the reception, the fulbright girls got together and we enjoyed our last meeting. it is so sad to say goodbye to these people... it's been a unique year for all of us.

in other, semi-notable news, i went on a walk with one of my co-workers a couple of weeks ago. we walked to a tower that overlooks kosice. it was a nice walk, and the weather was beautiful. i really enjoy her company. hopefully this weekend we will take a trip to krasna horka, a famous castle in eastern slovakia.

mostly the past three weeks have been painfully boring. i am only scheduled to teach 16 hours a week, but since half of my students were in their final year and left in the beginning of may... i now only teach 8 hours a week. what a life. my first 8 hour week wasn't so bad-- i listened to the students give their english, oral maturita exams. it was a good experience. firstly, i was able to see all of my students give the exams i'd been preparing them for... and to shake their hand afterwards and tell them "congratulations! you're finished!" and secondly, it was so good for me to see what the exam is actually like. even though people explained it hundreds of times for me, i didn't quite "get it" until i actually saw them first hand. so, it's good for my preparations for next year. also in my free time i've been able to substitute for classes that i don't normally teach. mostly it's a bit of a pain because i'm never entirely sure what my schedule will look like, but sometimes i teach students who are so sweet and who make me feel like i'm a celebrity. last week i went to a few classes who were quite young, so i explained that i would give them the hour to work on homework, etc.  after i would sit down to read, i would hear a "miss...? where are you from?", then a "miss...? do you have a boyfriend?", then a "miss...? we wanted to say your teeth are amazing.", then a "miss...? do you like slovakia?", then a "miss....? you are so beautiful!" isn't life here difficult?!

the next few weeks will be, i imagine, similarly quiet. i have a trip planned to vienna with my best fulbright friend as a kind of "farewell" trip before she leaves back to oregon. other than that, i'm tapping my feet and checking my watch until june 24. i'm dying for cake, rhubarb pie, chocolate chip cookies, tacos, homemade hamburgers, coffee-to-go, sales, my car, my bed, my house! i can only hope that my summer will be a fragment of the glory that i'm imagining.

until next time...

anna

what day is it?

dear readers,

this past week has been nothing short of pure madness. even now, with everything calming down, i am struggling to keep my head on and focused.

last saturday, my dear friends alex and will came to visit. i met them in moldova... alex is moldovan but is spending his time traveling. he is a world class sailor and is constantly moving from country to country for different competitions. will is british but is living in slovenian teaching english and travel writing. when alex told me he was coming i was excited... and then will said he was coming with a group of friends-- i was even more excited. a total coincidence, but one which i thoroughly enjoyed. when they were here we did some small sight-seeing, went on a short hike outside of the city, ate at med malina, watched some hockey, and simply enjoyed. it was wonderful. i remembered all of the reasons why i love these people.

on monday i went to some world championship games and it was a lot of fun. i saw USA and norway, and sweden and austria. USA, of course!, won. i was wearing an american flag t-shirt which dan gave me... and i regret it completely. here's why: 1. a reporter caught me near the concessions and asked me a bunch of questions about osama bin laden's death-- none of which i felt entirely comfortable answering. i felt too much pressure and i'm not sure how politically correct some of my thoughts are. 2. at the end of the game, they played the national anthem. i was acting like a fool (as usual) and i saw the camera turn on me... my face was on the stadium screen looking totally awkward, embarrassed and foolish. what's worse, the next day my students told me they all saw me on TV.... yikes. who knew it would be televised?

friday was the last day of school for the finishing students... 3 of my classes. there were big celebrations. all of the students were dressed up, singing, walking through the halls, going through the town and asking for money... all traditions which are totally foreign to me. i am sad that i won't teach these classes anymore. i love all of them. plus, i won't know what to do with all of my free time.

in the next few weeks i need to take a few trips, clean, pack... there are so many changes on the horizon. though i'll be back for one more year, i have a feeling that the year will be quite different, and likely more serious. i feel a lot of pressure, nervousness, apprehension and fear for the next months... along with excitement, eagerness and enthusiasm. it's hard growing up and figuring out the next steps on my own. especially when i am confused and distracted to begin with. at this point i wish i had a fairy godmother to simply tell me what i should do, where i should live, who i should be with and when it is time to truly grow up. wouldn't that make things easier?

all of my best,

a

here comes the sun

dear readers,

yet again i start another blog entry with shame. in some ways, that could be a theme for this year... i used to think i was healthy, active, dedicated, hard working, motivated, but this year i've discovered i have a strong chords of slothfulness and gluttony in my being, as well as a big (sometimes overwhelming) appetite for fun. i forget that there is so much deep joy in consistency, rhythm and hard work. i had every intention to write at least once a week... but the trend seems to be more like once a month. and i had every intention of reading a million books, all of the ones i never had time for, but i've barely conquered even half of the list. and let's not get started on my running plan, my big dreams for lessons, learning a second and third language... i feel so shameful about my unfulfilled promises. but as always, i have to see the silver lining: this has been one year where i was not ruled by "shoulds" and "oughts." rather, i allowed myself to simply be... even if that being was a bit lazy and consumed by wanderlust. it was good and (i think) quite necessary for me. but i'm turning a new page. not because i think i should, but because i really think it is time. which brings me to my news: i won't be turning a new page back in the US; rather, i'll be spending one more year here in slovakia.

this year has been the most amazing year of my life. despite my shame of unfulfilled promises, i've experienced unreal things. i can say that i've seen so many beautiful and breathtaking places, but the most important things i've experienced are those through my relationships here. my relationships with my friends, my co-workers, and my students. never in my life have i experienced so many relationship which simultaneously support and challenge me. while these relationships are important in all phases in life, i feel they are especially poignant in my current phase. and i am deeply thankful for them. they are one reason that i want to stay. i want to maintain and deepen these relationships.

another reason is simply consistency. it has taken me an almost full nine months to get my head on straight here. finally i feel the rhythm of this place, of my school... in some ways i'm starting to "get it." it's becoming my life, and not simply a place i'm staying. it feels unnatural to uproot, start someplace new for one year, and then move again to (hopefully) go to grad school. not only unnatural, but tiring. and when i think about my students, i know that i could be a far better teacher to them next year after all of the lessons i learned this past year.

this all being said: i'm staying next year. i'll be moving to a different flat and living with a friend, as well as earning about half of what i earned this year. but i'm so excited about this decision. it was a hard one to make, but it feels so right. i'll be home in july and august, so i hope to see some of you then.

moving on: i need to update you on the past month. of course, i'll spare you any unnecessary details. about two weeks ago i met the french ambassador to slovakia at a vernissage of some man's french art collection. it was a perfect evening. the gallery was beautiful, i was with nearly all of my friends from kosice, and i was able to dress in my finest. free french wine, good conversation, beautiful art... what else could a girl ask for?

the next morning i left to budapest to see katie. she arrived and we stayed in budapest for two days, and we saw nearly everything. the baths, the chain bridge, the castle, parliament... we even had time to meet my friend antonio and his family for a short lunch and hike up to the citadel. after budapest we came back to slovakia for a day and had a nice picnic overlooking the city with my friends olivier and ludwig. then that evening we took the overnight train to prague. and again, it seems we saw everything in the two short days we were there. it was gorgeous. the weather was perfect, and the company was even more perfect. we came back, on another night train, and went to my lessons the next morning. we spent the rest of the day and the next day just enjoying our time together. when she left, i truly felt like someone had ripped out half of my heart. it was the most perfect week and it reminded me how much i like my sister.

after katie left, i went to the high tatras with my friend vesna and her family, as well as some of their friends. it was so good to be taken care of my women who weren't happy unless i had food in my mouth and drinks in my hand. we were able to do some short hiking, but mostly we just rested and ate. i could not complain.

and mostly, i think, that brings us up to speed. thursday night started the world championship in hockey here in slovakia. since bratislava and kosice are the only cities in slovakia hosting matches, kosice is a-buzz with action, energy, people, food... thursday night there was a big opening ceremony. i was surprised at how well it was done, i didn't realize kosice had it in himself to put on a show. but it seems i am being proved otherwise. tonight i will watch a match between usa and austria. there's no question who'll win, right? and then after the match i am going to meet my friend will and some of his friends. i met will in moldova and we were so close for that summer. he's now living in slovenia and is driving up with a few friends for the weekend. i can't wait.

in the next months i am hoping for some good hiking and a strong end to the school year. the weather is gorgeous and i want to take full advantage of it. unfortunately, i also have to start seriously thinking about grad schools and to start scheming about how to trick a school into actually accepting me... wish me luck. i think i'll need it...

so i hope to write more consistently in the next few weeks. but, as you've seen, i can't promise anything at the moment.

lovingly,
anna

my loyal readers...

i am NOT a loyal blogger. i am sorry.

this past month has been a whirlwind. i'll start with a highlight: at the end of february, i went to the canary islands with a friend of mine. it was PERFECT. i went with my friend valerie, her sister, and their friend. they were all french, and it was certainly a cultural experience. they were wonderful women and i was happy to spend a week with them, and i was taught how to appreciate good wine, good cheese and fresh fish. while in the canaries, we stayed at a beautiful old hotel in las palmas, but we were able to travel to different parts of the island to see mountains, beaches, and even a small desert. even more, it was the week of Carnaval. one night there was a huge parade and everyone was dressed up, dancing and having a good time. it was fun. most importantly, it was good to have a change of scenery... palm trees and sun were a much welcomed change from the cold and windy streets of kosice.

besides the canary islands, i've been to some concerts, some parties, my friend stephanie visited and i found a new park in the city thanks to the help of my co-worker and friend misa. a typical day consists of waking up and enjoying a long breakfast, going to school, coming home and reading, watching a few episodes of Mad Men, and then meeting friends in the evening. i cannot express how blessed i am to be here.

i'm realizing that my time is starting to come to an end. two people at school today asked me when i was leaving, and when i met my friends tonight we were discussing summer plans. when i think about leaving the only things i feel are fear and despair. let me explain why. on the most basic level: i live alone in a perfect flat, in the center of the city, with a great (and famous) landlord, and with a phenomenal view. i work with amazing people. i LOVE my co-workers. i have a great principal, great vice principal, great direct co-workers... and what's more, great students. i truly love going to school everyday. teaching makes me come alive and i am surrounded by the kindest, most supportive and most interesting people. AND i live in a great place. slovakia is a beautiful country with great people. there are mountains and breathtaking nature everywhere. and kosice is a perfect city. it's large but without the international/tourist market. it feels authentic, warm and welcoming... and it's simply wonderful and loaded with opportunities for culture.

on a bit of a deeper level: i've made great friends here. they are great people-- supportive, interesting, fun. but what's most important-- they want to do things! i have always found it frustrating at home that when i want to go out, or go on a trip, or meet for coffee, or go shopping, or go to a movie, or go on a walk... that i have to pull teeth to find someone to go with me. ok, ok... maybe it's me! maybe i'm horrible to spend time with. but this sense of community and engagement is one that i lack at home. i'm not saying it's distinctly american, but i will say there is a sense of belonging and activity that i've always longed for at home, but have mostly lacked. here i have it. and it is so, so precious.

and finally, most selfishly, i have been totally free here. i have truly felt like this is a year for me, and it has been such a gift. i have been allowed to grow and experiment and change... all without the heavy pressure from home. maybe it's a consequence of being finished with college, but i feel so light and free. i have hardly any responsibilities, and those i do have i can do with pleasure.

i know that all of these things are rare in life. and like all things which are gold, they cannot stay. i know that when i come home i need to start thinking about life: money, future, grad school... but for now i'm basking in the beauty and freedom i feel in slovakia.

until next time...

xo
anna