14.10.11

keeping to my promise

whelp. it's nearly been one week and i haven't written in my blog yet. so to make good on my promises, here is another entry. the truth is, per usual, i don't have anything worth sharing. last weekend i spent studying, all week i spent studying, and all day today i've been studying. for what? GRE!

wednesday evening i took a train out of kosice to budapest where i've been holed up in a hotel room for the past two days. thursday morning i took the general GRE. honestly, i thought i was perfectly prepared and i was more confident than normal. i walked into the bizarre testing room, sat in my 80's-esque wooden cubicle, fixed the orange "noise-blocking" headphones on and proceeded to complete the exam on a more-than-outdated PC. four hours later, i removed the headphones (whose ancient heaviness had left a painful indent in my hairdo) and stared at the screen with my scores. as it turns out, i'm actually not a genius. i know that this news may surprise many of you (trust me, it surprised me too), but i'm actually exceptionally normal. i shrugged my shoulders, thought to myself "ok," and left the testing center without even the slightest sigh of relief. blahhhhhhhhse.

since leaving the testing center on thursday around 1:00, i've been in my hotel room. yep. going on 30 hours now! i've been sleeping, eating... but mostly studying my brains out. tomorrow morning i take the GRE english subject exam. if the general GRE made me feel un-genius-like, this exam makes me feel downright incompetent. i feel as if i'm dressed in a t-shirt, shorts and flip flops and being forced to climb mt. everest. surprisingly, and most uncharacteristically, this acute awareness of my incompetency drives me more towards sleep than panic. i can hardly remember taking a test without a shred of panic. but i think now, a full year and a half out of college, i've realized that it just doesn't matter. of course it'd be great to do well on the exam, and it will be hard to see a bad score (and realistically, i understand it is "important" for my "future"). but truthfully, the bigger tragedy for me at the moment would be missing my morning coffee, discovering a great big zit on my forehead, or missing a gratuitous ten minutes of reading. or my god, even worse, discovering that i've run out of yogurt!!! (the horror!!)

lazy and unenlightened, i may be, but unhappiness i refuse.

people of MN: SEND ME SOME NEWS! i feel stranded on an island, and all of you feel like a distant memory of some former fantastical life i used to lead.

lovingly yours,
alw

6.10.11

it's friday, friday!

after the "bomb" dropped on monday, things have been sorting themselves out. i've decided to live with my friend, valerie, which i'm becoming really excited about. i'm trying to view moving out of my flat like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon or a snake shedding its old skin (though i think the snake analogy is more accurate, i much prefer to be a butterfly). optimism is the wave i'm riding this week, and its getting me far.  and when i arrived at school on tuesday, my co-workers dana and misa were incredibly encouraging and helpful. i was so thankful that they were "looking out" for me, and i realized (again) how fortunate i am to work with these wonderful women. 

on wednesday, i had a lesson with a class that i'm having a really difficult time connecting with. the students aren't really sharp, and i simply don't feel well in their lessons. to counteract this, i've been trying to employ some different methods. this week, our theme was "sports," and i decided to teach them a little bit about baseball. while we were talking about it, i got the bright idea to play kickball... which seemed to be, in my mind, just like baseball... except with feet. the weather was perfect, it was the end of the day, and it seemed like the perfect idea. i told two boys to go find a ball, and as soon as they came back we headed outside. little did i realize that these students have literally NO concept of baseball, kickball, or any game involving bases. the boys in the class were eager to learn and helped me in explaining the game to the whole class. finally, i rolled the first "pitch" (with a soccer ball) to start the game. the student kicked it hard and far into the outfield. the girls, who i had physically placed in the outfield (five feet away from each other), simply stood there and looked at me: failure #1. then, i explained that if you catch the ball, the kicker is automatically out. during one "inning," the ball kept pop-flying to the same student, and each time he let it bounce just in front of him before "catching" it: failure #2. then, i explained that if you touch the base with the ball, the runner is out. after a student kicked the ball toward second and began running toward first, another student grabbed the ball and touched the third base and yelled "out!" to the player at first: failure #3. 

besides these failures and my constant yelling to "look alive! don't be so lazy! girls, you're beautiful but you have to move!," i had a few small successes. i taught them, "jump! shake your booty, jump! jump! shake your booty!" and "let's go! let's go! l-e-t-s g-o!" and i was so happy to hear them yell, "run! go! go! go!" instead of the slovak equivalent. 

after the game of pseudo-kickball, i went up to the bilingual section to join my friend val and her drama club. this year marks the twentieth anniversary of the french-bilingual section, so they are preparing a lot of different events to commemorate it. val's drama club is dancing, and she asked if i'd join. one of my student's dad's is a professional choreographer, and he is the one teaching us. he is about 50, looks like a gray-haired penguin, is incredibly nice and is the best, straight, male dancer i've ever seen. he's excellent. my coordination and dancing abilities, however, are not excellent. nor is my slovak, so his directions seemed like jibberish. i knew i had to move, but i didn't know how.  imagine all of the students, young and beautiful and coordinated, and then me, awkward and clumsy and confused. it was a riot. i left sweaty, happily humiliated, and with a semi-twisted knee (there was a particularly fancy, twisting move on the floor which got the best of me). 

and then on wednesday evening, i went to an exhibition by my friends from keks design. they had gone around flats and other buildings in kosice to look for furniture from the 70's and 80's as the subject of the exhibition. without doubt, this was my favorite exhibition that i've seen while in kosice. it was original, well organized and thought provoking (not to mention uniquely beautiful). 

beyond this, i've been spending my days studying for the GRE. i have to take an "english subject" exam, which covers everything in the world of english... a world i have been noticeably distant from in the last year. wish me luck. 

all for now. send me an email, a postcard or just a simple line to let me know how life is back home. i miss it. 


3.10.11

my home

as has been my ritual, this morning i woke up early to read, write and breathe before beginning my day. these have been my most precious moments the last month or so, and there is little that will tempt me to sacrifice these still and beautiful minutes of quiet and solitude.

this morning when i was writing, i had a deep longing for a home. not just a home, but a physical place to live. i dreamed a bit about what i wanted and how it would look, and while i was dreaming, i realized that i have an amazing home here. i truly adore my flat. not only is it in a beautiful old building, it has a spectacular view, there is always live music flooding the courtyard from the teahouse below, and i'm starting to be friendly with my neighbors. since returning, i've truly cared for my flat like it is my child... i'm constantly cleaning and caring for it, developing a routine and finding just the right place for everything. i've painted paintings for the walls, planted flowers for the windows, and created a reading corner surrounded by things that i love. i'm not exaggerating when i say that everyday i'm thankful for this space that i live in. it is the first place that i've had that truly feels like it's mine.

none of this would really be worth mentioning, had i not received unhappy news today. after my lessons at school, nelli asked me to come to her office because she had something serious she needed to talk to me about. when i got into her office, she made me sit down and my first thought was "who died?". then she told me that igor, my landlord, had come into school today and had told nelli that there are "big family problems" and that i need to move out of my flat so someone else can move in. and i need to move out as soon as possible.

i'm not really worried about where i will go. i have options-- and even if i have to live someplace less-than-ideal, i will only be there for about 3 months. the point is, i feel like my home is being taken away from me and there is nothing i can do about it. of course that sounds dramatic, but take into account that i might possibly be the most sentimental person you can meet. it really feels painful to be forced out of this flat.

but as much as i've wanted to cry and complain today, i can't help but think that it'll be ok. maybe that's obvious and granted for most people... but for me, my first thought is always the worst one, and it takes weeks for me to re-acclamate and realize that everything will be ok. fortunately today i was able to trade the weeks of trauma for ten minutes of shock, and an afternoon of mild sadness and sentimentality.

in honor of my first, independent home:

29.9.11

a trip to party-slava

dear readers,

this past weekend i was fortunate enough to take a small trip to bratislava-- or, as some students like to call it-- "party"slava. last year i went to bratislava on a few occasions, and every time i left feeling disappointed. this last trip, however, left me pleasantly surprised.

i arrived in bratislava on thursday after a long 6 hour train ride. i decided to fork out the extra 3 euro for a first class seat, allowing me a 6 hour ride of peace, quiet, reading and sleeping. in slovakia, first class is always worth the upgrade. once in the city, i found the hotel with ease and got ready for the reception with the embassy for this year's fulbright grantees. while i was getting ready, i noticed that i forgot to crucial items: an adapter (for the straightener to fix my travel-frizzed hair), and a tank top to go under all of my gauzy, transparent shirts. nonetheless, i managed to pull myself together and swagger into the reception with a frizzy hair mess and moderately-less-than-appropriate attire. despite my "just escaped!" look, the reception was highly enjoyable. free food, free wine, free conversation... all wonderful to a newly poor teacher like me. i had the chance to meet the new fulbright grantees, who are all exceptional. they are interesting, sharp, engaging, enthusiastic, witty and incredibly fun (one of the grantees is even from minnesota, so it's no surprise she's wonderful). after the reception i went outside to wait for some of the grantees, and out stumbled the highlight of my evening. as i was sitting and waiting, i saw a (very important) person from the embassy stagger out with three friends, very intoxicated. i can honestly say, there is nothing more entertaining than see an incredibly formal person (older than my parents), stumbling outside and acting like a 21 year old. i must admit, i lost a little respect for the person.

in the morning, i had to give a presentation on teaching english in slovak high schools. needless to say, it was a shining, glorious and magnificent display of my brilliance. hard to imagine it could be anything less, right? though i was radiating perfection (as always), four people walked out. and nearly every minute someone got up for coffee. a great ego boost. afterward, i went to the city and spent the best afternoon i've ever had in slovakia.

i went to an exhibition of Picasso's drawings. his drawings are so simultaneously rich in simplicity and complexity, and they all exude a sense of ease and grace. many of the drawings were repeated over, and over and over (a theme with his drawings), but different each time. the one that really caught me was of an artist, a room, and a beast. each evoked something different in me, and i really felt a struggle between what is human, what is art, what is the self, and how in the world do they all relate to each other? it was a soul-filling experience, and one that i hadn't had since college.

when i returned for dinner, i had another soul-filling conversation. for nearly thirty minutes, nora (the director of fulbright in slovakia) and i talked about yogurt. if you know me at all, you know how excited and passionate i am about yogurt... and to find someone who shares the passion? magic.

beyond this, not much has happened recently. i've stopped shampooing my hair in favor of using baking soda and vinegar: this is my most exciting personal news. teaching is going well, but is also presenting challenges and frustrations. the slovak bureaucracy is still finding it's way to get under my skin, but i'm learning to grin and bear it. and the best part of my week? eating falafel and hummus, handed down from god himself in heaven, every monday with my friend val.

until next week,
alw

15.9.11

another week down

after a week like the one i just had, i wonder if there is any merit in even writing a blog post. the only reason i'm writing is because i promised myself that neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night will keep me from writing at least once a week...!

as previously hinted, this week has been Ordinary. note the capital "o." the most exciting thing that has happened is that my students completed their homework! i started teaching this year full of new ideas, new projects for my students to complete, and all kinds of high aspirations. after the first lesson with each class, i thought that i was crazy. i asked all students to write journal entries, and the oldest students to create a blog (on which they'll post weekly). after seeing their "you've got to be kidding me" looks on their faces, i was a bit discouraged. however, this week it was time for them to show the fruits of their labor... and they did not disappoint! when i saw the first blog that one of my students had created, i literally giggled and danced out of sheer excitement that someone would actually do something that i asked them to. no wonder i like teaching so much.

beyond this, i've spent my week compulsively cleaning, reading "The Brothers K" (thanks, katie wilson) and "The Divine Conspiracy" (thanks, keith wilson). both of which i heartily recommend. i've also been watching "True Blood," which has given me dreams that even the most creative writer couldn't imagine.

please send me a line or two about your lives back home. i'd love to hear how you're doing.

anna

9.9.11

good things

after a semi-disastrous week, i've been trying to find joy in small things. and here's what i've found.

my foot is healing. i'm no longer a hobbler. PTL.

when i was walking to school on monday (the first day), all of the small children were being walked to school by their parents or grandparents. they were wearing dress clothes, carrying flowers, and wearing new back packs. it was such an event, and i remembered one deeply true fact about myself: i LOVE the first day of school.

when i was walking on the main street, i saw two people dressed as pirates walking around. it was weird. then i realized they were handing out leaflets for orange, a mobile phone company. i thought to myself "what a horrible, embarrassing job." when i walked closer, i saw that one of the pirates was one of my former students... one of the most arrogant, cocky and disrespectful students. and he looked miserable. this brought me unending amounts of pleasure.

when i was having a bad day, i met my friend valerie for a dinner at my favorite restaurant. we spent two and a half hours laughing.

when i was at school yesterday, i was teaching a group of new students. for a "get-to-know-eachother" exercise, i made them write down their names and write a descriptive word for each letter. two students, a boy and a girl, were having a hard time finding enough words, so i went to help them. they were both really shy, quiet, unassuming and so sweet. the girl had an "A" in her name, and we were thinking of words... i said "amazing! awesome! ambitious! adventurous! artistic!" and she kept shaking her head, then i said "attractive!" and she said, "oh noooo, i'm not attractive." and the boy looked over at her and, in his sweet slovak accent, said "yes you are."

hopefully more good things are on their way.


love from slovakia,
anna

5.9.11

fail, fail, fail

my finger is finally healing... but trust me, cutting my finger was like opening the floodgates. these past few days have been, phew, not good.

since arriving in kosice, i've felt like a new person. i've been working through a book called "the artist's way: a course in discovering and recovering your creative self." sounds emotional, psychoanalytic and for the complete narcissist, right? it should come as no surprise then that it was a gift from my dear sister, katie. ok ok, maybe that was a bit too harsh. the fact is, the book is truly wonderful (which is a more accurate way to describe my sister). but the "new anna" isn't because of the book, it's because i've been waking up early and deciding to take a few hours of meaningful reflection and soul-searching. in general, i've been reading more and taking more time to find my course, rather than being guided by what my friends are doing. last week, right around the time i cut my finger, i was feeling pretty darn zen. i mean, i felt really "in-touch" with my "inner-artist" and i wanted to spend more time unraveling the deep mysteries of anna wilson. even thursday evening i met my friend valerie and she read my fortune (very seriously, of course) and said "ahhhh, you're turning a new leaf!" and then we read our horoscopes and mine said that i was turning a corner and taking a new path, that it was a "time for great beginnings!" 

thursday evening i walked home from valerie's flat feeling like the epitome of peace. i was content with my life, with myself, with the economic crisis, with war, with starvation, with genocide... i felt un-phaseable. i went to bed and i swear i heard heavenly choirs singing me to sleep. friday morning i walked to school on sunlit paths, accompanied by birds and flower and rainbows. but as soon as i walked through the school doors, i knew there'd be trouble... i saw nelli, and she told me that i must go to the job center. for what? i'm still not quite sure. but the slovak bureaucracy is at work again. this fact alone was confusing, what was even more confusing is that they needed my diploma from bethel. and they needed it asap, of course. i told nelli that i had my official transcripts, but they needed the (meaningless, useless, merely decorative) diploma. bah. whatever.

after school, i went to tesco and decided that i needed to buy a few things to make me feel better. i needed to "re-center." what better way to "re-center" than with a nice, relaxing pedicure? so i bought supplies to file away my hideous callouses, polish, and some nice bath salts. i went home and turned on some music, filled my tub and proceeded with my re-centering pedicure. as soon as my feet were pruney enough, i filed away. i was disgusted (and mildly fascinated) by how much skin was coming off, but i paid no attention. and then when i was at the top of my foot, i got just a little bit too aggressive. just below my pinky toe, i went too far and deeply cut thin skin near the topside of my foot. it started bleeding, but i thought it was just a small cut. i was wrong. soon the water below my foot was not just pink, but dark red. i took my foot out of the water and went to grab some toilet paper to stop the bleeding. each step left a puddle of blood, and the toilet paper was soaked in seconds. just when i thought i was done with bloody messes, it happened again! so i hobbled over to my closet and take out an old towel, leaving incriminating, bloody footprints all over my flat. the towel soaked up most of the blood, but my foot was bleeding for several hours. what's worse, is that this injury makes wearing shoes nearly impossible. and it's not healing anytime soon.

fair enough: i'm a clutz. it's ok, i can handle this fact. but what i can't handle is that it has totally pushed me off of my course. rather than getting up early and reading and cleaning, i get up early and hobble to make my coffee, hobble to my chair to finally sit down, hobble to get dressed... hobble everywhere. i am a hobbling mess. you would think that this hobbling would limit me to my small flat. well, you forget that where there's a wilson, there's a way. saturday night, i wrapped up my foot and i went out with some friends. surprisingly, i could bear it. i could walk semi-normally, and i even forgot about the pain. it was ok! so, wisely, i agreed to take three friends with me on a small hike near kosice on sunday. the hike was great, and walking really wasn't SO difficult. it was painful and my back, hip and ankle ached from all of the hobble-walking, but it was so good to be outside and with friends that i didn't mind. however, we walked through one part of the forest and i suddenly heard a small voice in my head reminding me to be careful of poison ivy. and guess what? the next thing i knew we had come across a batch of poison ivy. but, of course, i realized this only after passing through it. and, since my foot has been so painful, i was wearing hiking sandals... so my gimp foot suffered even more with the beautiful red burn of poison ivy. 

having given up my "peaceful" self, i woke up this morning and got dressed for the first "real" day of school. we are supposed to look nice because there are a few ceremonies etc., but since i can't really wear nice shoes my "nice" clothes were a bit hodge-podge. i put on my nicest summer sandals over my red (and partially bleeding) feet, pants to cover my red legs, and the loosest shirt i could find (it was HOT today). i looked weird. really weird. and once i got to school, i discovered that my purse had ruined my shirt by rubbing against it while i walked. great! and, nelli told me that i had to get my diploma translated... and that i still needed the hard copy of my diploma... which would also need to be translated. each translation will cost 30 euro. and yes, i do need each separately translated. 

praise jesus in heaven that we do not live in such a ridiculously bureaucratic place. ok, certainly there are times that we have to fill out a lot of papers, jump through a lot of hoops, etc. but honestly, it's nothing like it is in these post-socialist societies. it makes life unnecessarily difficult. 

on wednesday i actually start teaching, which i'm thrilled about. i'm hoping that i'm getting rid of all of my bad luck now, so that when it really counts i'll be on target. that everything will go smoothly, that my students will be speaking fluent english and reveling in my glory everyday. i'm sure-- totally sure-- that my self-actualized, calm, content and peaceful mind will return soon. well, at least i hope. 

... until disaster strikes again,
anna